Okay, so I'm woman enough to admit that I’m probably not the friendliest or the most patient driver on the road (and my husband, I'm sure, would quickly second that opinion). But neither am I pulling a Ricky Bobby down SH-114, or leaning on my horn like some psycho-crazed maniac. Yet I’m definitely not one to smile serenely and make cute cuddly puppy noises at the Sunday driver that decides to get out on the road on a weekday and drive like Grandma Gertie right in front of me, let alone let it pass on an actual Sunday. Of course, I still offer the friendly Texas-steering-wheel-hand-wave when stopped at a light or a stop sign. After all I do have manners, and this is Texas.
But Monday through Friday (and let’s tack-on Saturday for good measure), when I’m sitting behind the wheel of my 2006 Hyundai Accent, and I’m driving, it’s because I actually want to get where I’m going in the most expedient and the safest (of course) way possible. Aka. NOW!
So I'm sure we can all admit to there being times when you just want to RAM that cell-phone-chatting-blackberry-texting-I’m-so-much-better-than-you-with-my-smartphone, with that I’m-so-much-more-important-than-you smirk on their face, driver.
Pfftt…I know I do!
But there have been times when I’ve seen some completely out of control road rage antics. I mean, seriously...I call shenanigans! It's ridiculous the way some people behave when they have a little power beneath their keister. How these people have managed not to pop an artery or suffer some road rage-induced aneurysm is beyond me. And in some cases I’ve been in the unfortunate position of being in the car with some of these serial RR cases. (Not the fondest memories I have by the way) At the time I was desperately wishing someone had started a Road Rage Passenger Crisis Hotline. Imagine being an operator at that job?
But this morning, while witnessing one of these not-so-rare moments of Serial RR, I couldn’t help but ponder over a few alternative scenarios. One scenario being...what if we collected all the serial road ragers in the city, put them on a boat, and shipped them off to their own island? And on this island they could make their own laws, have a language, an anthem, even a bird...the whole sha-bang!
Island Name: Indy Island
Citizen’s Motto: I approach the daily commute like an extreme sport, and I am the MVP!
Language: (It’s not exactly an intelligible language, mostly aggressive grunting, screaming, yelling, growling noises and imaginative hand gestures.)
Island Song: “The Highway Salute”
Island Bird: The Vulture (It's a road kill smorgasbord!)
Code of Conduct: GET OUT THE WAY!!!
Law(s)/Rule(s):
- Must apply blinker before simultaneously changing lanes and using imaginative hand gestures to your fellow drivers.
- No Cyclist Allowed
- No Four-Way Stop Signs
- Right-hand lanes do not exist...only exit lanes!
- All Sundays are banned (New day coming soon!)
Yep, sign me up...not!
But I did stumble across a video that I found to be very informative on the psyche of the Road Rager...and also my Aunt G. Love you Aunt G!!! Hehe. Enjoy!
"Goofy Road Rage"
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Keep it clean.